You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize