Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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