his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
