Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
