between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
