all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
