I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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