I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
When are your genitals available?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize