xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
