When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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