I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize