ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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