so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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