I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
