I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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