he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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