Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
