the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
