My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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