You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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