I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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