You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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