my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
