after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
