god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
