Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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