So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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