Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
