It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
