Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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