please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
