Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
