tell your sister to shave her snatch
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
