Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
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