my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
