You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
