Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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