did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
