I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
