watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
