Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
