We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize