HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
