i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
