ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
what day is it and did you see me today?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
