is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
