Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
