1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
