I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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