oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
