yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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