There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
