My underwear smells like fireworks.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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