Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
