Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Houston, we have a squirter
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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