i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
