the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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