Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
