When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
