I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I forget how to act sober
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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