he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
