Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
