We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Randomize
