We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
you never un-have a 4some
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize