i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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