In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
