Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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